I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
