while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
