I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
