So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
