how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
