Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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