My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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