Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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