I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
