Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
