Dual....:-)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
