On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
