is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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