Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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