That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
