: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
