He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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