ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
