Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Help. Why am I so naked?
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