haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
