last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
