your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
