So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize