I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
