ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
