ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
