How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
