It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
