I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
