she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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