sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
