Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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