look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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