Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
