and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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