8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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