Already got asked if we're dating
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
