That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
