bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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