i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize