Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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