You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
