I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
