I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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