i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
