did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I believe in your delicious
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
