when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
