we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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