And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
