I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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