like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
