omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize