so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize