how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
