Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
