so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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