I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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