Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
