Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize