You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
