I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
