My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
