Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
