I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize