i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
