He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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