I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize