No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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