She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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