i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize