So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My balls are so social today.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
